The three danced around the room and screamed at the top of their lungs. Peter flopped to the bed. “Gentlemen, it’s time to abuse our mini-bar privileges.”
“Yeah,” said Paul. “Of course we’re going to expense the whole damn thing anyway.”
Todd raised his hand. “Yes, and that of course brings up an interesting point. When and how are we going to tell Lazarus?”
Peter looked at him. “And why did you have to bring that up? I say we party our brains out tonight, and plan on having the biggest hangovers of our lives by tomorrow morning. That way we go into it knowing that there is nothing he can do that will make us feel any worse.”
Todd looked at him. “Somehow I don’t think that is the way we should approach it. We probably are going to need our wits about us. Laz is going to go ballistic, and we don’t want to say something that he can sic the lawyers on.”
Peter sighed. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Can we at least see if there is a bottle of champagne in the minibar dad?”
Todd was already steaming over to the minibar with the key. He leaned over , opened it up and rummaged around. He finally stood back up with a pathetic little bottle of champagne from a company that none of them knew. He shrugged and twisted the top off. He held up the bottle in a mock salute. “Gentlemen, we who are about to die salute you.” And he took a swig from the bottle. Then he looked at the remaining champagne. “Well, one swig each should do it.”
They passed around the bottle and quickly drained it. “Well,” said Todd. “That was exciting.”
They all almost jumped out of their shoes when the phone rang. Peter looked at it. “I know Vincent said they were going to debrief right after our meeting, but that is a little fast even for them.”
Todd made a sound resembling The Twilight Zone. “And so Lazarus Tompkins found the traitors...”
“Sure,” said Peter. He went over to the phone and picked it up. “Peter, it’s Pat Barker. I have some great news for you. The partners have decided they want to hear your presentation here in Vegas. I think they want to make an investment decision before we leave. You boys just moved into the passing lane.”
Peter cupped the phone, and turned and looked questioningly at Paul and Todd. “They want to meet again here. What do I do now?”
Todd and Paul helpfully shrugged back. Peter scowled at them. “Pat listen, I appreciate how quickly you folks were able to put something together, but I think we are going to go with someone else.”
There was almost no discernible pause at the other end. “Are you telling me that you have a check in your hands right now?”
“Well, not right now, but all indications are that we are going to get an investment from this other firm.”
Paul and Todd watched as there was more muttering from the other end of the line. Peter looked over questioningly at them, and they shook their heads. They were in with Vincent; there was no point in putting that in jeopardy. Peter listened for another moment and then he interrupted Pat. “Listen Pat, I appreciate this, and we are honored that you would consider us worthy of an investment, but I really feel it would be in bad faith to bail out now on the other group.”
There was a burst of muttering, and then Peter’s eyebrows shot up. “Wait a minute,” he said quietly. He covered the phone again with his palm and turned to Paul and Todd. “Well, majority shareholders, you have your first financial decision in front of you. Pat says they will go 10% above whatever valuation Vincent has set. And here is the fun part. He actually said ‘Vincent’.”
“Oh crap,” said Todd. “That didn’t stay a secret for very long. I’m beginning to think our room is bugged.” Todd stewed for a moment and stared at the floor. “I honestly have no idea what to do. We are way out of my experience curve now.”
Paul just looked helplessly back at Peter. Peter uncupped the phone. “Listen Pat, we need to talk about this. Do you mind if we give you a call back in about half an hour? Thanks.”
Peter hung up the phone and sighed. “Well, time to take a look at our ownership table and figure out what kind of difference this makes.” He walked over to his bed and fired up the laptop. One of the spreadsheets they had prepared, but not included in the presentation, was the ownership table. This showed who would own what percentage of the company after the investment. What they were secretly looking for in their Series A Preferred Shares, or first round of issued stock, was a valuation of “seven million post.” This odd little abbreviated sentence meant that they were trying to value their nonexistent company at seven million dollars after the investment from Vincent and his horde. They were starting the valuation at five million, then tacking on the two million they were looking to raise to arrive at the seven million post-investment. This meant that the VCs would own 29% of the company. This may sound like a serious haircut, but actually was pretty much in the middle of the band for “first-round” investments. The theory (no doubt proposed by the VCs) was that since they were investing so early in the company’s life, they were taking the greatest risk, and thus deserved the best return. Pat’s offer of a 10% increase in the original valuation from $5 million to $5.5 million meant that they would own 27% of the company. This was not an insignificant change. If they went public eventually at $50 million dollars, that extra 2% would be another $1 million dollars in their pocket. RECHECK THIS MATH
The dollar signs were already orbiting around them at a dizzying rate. Pat knew how to get into his quarry’s minds, and he was succeeding fabulously. They stared at the modified spreadsheet in front of them. “You know,” said Todd. “This looks like something that we should consider. There really is no guarantee that Vincent and his gang will actually pull the trigger on this. Maybe we should have the follow-up meeting.”
There was another one of their patented long silences. They all knew where this was going. “Call him back, we’ll meet them” said Todd.
The three of them stood in front of the elevator bank, waiting for a door to slide open. They all were very anxious about this as they we feeling very guilty about what had just transpired. However, in usual Las Vegas fashion, things were about to take a dramatic turn for the worse. A little red light went on over one of the elevators, and they shuffled over as the door slid open.
Lazarus was inside.
If there was a sound that resembled three hearts dropping through their respective owners’ feet, that would have been the time for it. As it was the three of them just looked agape at the elevator’s occupant and stared like a pack of idiots. Lazarus stuck his arm out so they door wouldn’t close back up. “Come on guys, the train is leaving the station.”
The three stumbled into the elevator and all tried to look very busy staring at the floor. Lazarus was in an obnoxiously happy mood. “So have you boys found anything on the floor so far?”
“No,” said Todd. “We have been too busy dealing with the crowds at the booth. Nothing like the floor of COMDEX, eh?”
Lazarus laughed . “Well, it is a necessary evil. What do you all have planned today?”
They all started at each other and then mumbled incoherently as the elevator plummeted down towards their doom. The elevator slowed down and then glided to a halt on the ground floor. The door slide open to reveal the smiling visage of the Starfucker. He locked eyes with Peter and then rotated quickly around the elevator until he arrived at Lazarus. Peter waved his arm dramatically at Lazarus. “You first.”
Lazarus smiled at the gesture and the three trailed him out of the elevator and then took a hard left with the Starfucker, the opposite direction of Lazarus. “All right guys, I’m about to have a coronary here. We have to tell Lazarus,” said Paul.
“Hey!” yelled a voice from down the hall. They turned to see a questioning look from Lazarus, with his arms out as if he was about to embrace them. “Where are you guys going? The floor is open and I’m heading down. If you want a ride with me you better not dawdle.”
They had no idea what to do. In fact, they were paralyzed with fear. Of course, they also had no choice. They had to go with Lazarus. They all wandered over to Lazarus, hoping against hope that the Starfucker wouldn’t blow it for them.
Of course he did.
“Laz,” he trilled in his obsequious little voice. “Mind if I grab a ride with you all to the floor?”
Lazarus was already steaming down the hall. He waved his arm over his head to signal all of them to follow him. As the Starfucker waltzed past them, Peter hissed at him “What do you think you are doing?”
The Starfucker just grinned.
The five of them were packed into the back of the limousine, which now was the most uncomfortable place in Las Vegas. The Starfucker was jabbering into his cell phone, oblivious to the distress in front of him. Todd and Peter were having another one of their wordless conversations. Paul was starting to learn how to translate these, and he didn’t like what he was coming up with. Todd and Peter were debating whether they should tell Lazarus or not.
The limo pulled to a stop at a light. Lazarus was staring out the window. “So,” he said quietly. “Where were you going with our little friend over there?" He nodded his head at the Starfucker. It was showdown at the OK Limousine. “You know it’s all over the hotel. It probably qualifies as the worst kept secret at COMDEX.”
The Starfucker was now clueing in to what was happening. He hung up his phone and looked quickly back and forth between Peter and Lazarus. Peter finally cleared his throat. “Uh Laz, there is something that we need to talk about.”
“No shit,” said Lazarus. His face was completely frozen, an impenetrable wall. “Well, I guess since your year of indentured servitude is over you are hightailing it out of here.” Lazarus continued to glare into empty space, not making eye contact with any of them. He turned and finally focused on the Starfucker. “And I suppose you are part of this also. Always in search of the next deal. You people are all vultures.”
Laz smacked his lips theatrically, and then reached forward and knocked on the glass separating the driver in front from them. The surprised driver looked in his rear view mirror to see Lazarus waving him to the side of the road. He dutifully pulled over to the side of the road. Lazarus glared at the four of them for the last time. “Get out.”
They didn’t know what to do, but in total shock they all stumbled out of the limo and into the bright Vegas sunlight. The door snapped shut with brutal clarity. There was a moment, and then the window silently slid down. Lazarus did not even look out.
“Don’t bother picking your things up. Security will be instructed not to let you into the building.” The window then started to slide back up again. Just before it closed completely, they heard one more thing.
“As far as I’m concerned, you all just died.”